A while back (2006), beloved nature explorer and television personality Steve Irwin was "accidentally" killed by a "confused" Sting Ray. Having suffered a massive puncture wound to the heart, Irwin died on the scene before help could arrive. Nature sympathizers and sting ray supremacists alike declared the event an isolated incident in which Irwin was the clear provocateur. In typical fashion, the left wing media failed to report that the sting ray, a known Obama supporter, attacked Irwin with an unlicensed stinger barb. Now it appears this "isolated incident" was anything but! CNN is reporting that a massive 300 pound eagle ray has assaulted a Florida woman on a fishing charter for photographing their movements. Intelligence reports suggest that the Eagle Ray is the faster, and more maneuverable sting ray breed, often used for stealthy assaults.
A huge eagle ray weighing as much as 300 pounds landed on top of a woman on a boat in the Florida Keys last week, throwing her to the deck and pinning her underneath it, the captain of the boat told CNN. The woman, Jenny Hausch, was on the chartered boat Friday with her husband and three children, taking pictures of a group of eagle rays as they flew out of the water. "These eagle rays, they were flying through the air," said Kelly Klein of Two Chicks Charters. "These giant things go out of the water and slam back down." Hausch was in the front of the boat, snapping away, Klein said. "One of the rays jumped in the air and she gets this perfect shot," the captain said, adding that rays always jump twice. On the second jump, one ray hit her in the chest and she fell down, hitting her head, Klein said. "It keeps slamming and slamming on top of her, trying to swim away," she said. Hausch's husband and children watched in horror. Florida Fish and Wildlife Officers Aja Vickers and Bret Swensson were patrolling the water near the tour boat when they heard screams. "We turned around and looked and saw the eagle ray thrashing around in the boat and at that point we realized we had a problem," said Vickers.
When Vickers was questioned about the Eagle Ray's motives, she responded, "In 2008, a woman died from the impact when a ray jumped out of the water and hit her as she boated in the Keys, but [this was a] freak accident. This is a total one-in-a-million chance. These animals aren't attacking by any means. One theory is these animals jump during mating season."
Make note everyone, the sea rays are on the war-path again, and Vickers is a sympathizer! Early reports show that the giant river rays have not allied themselves with the eagle rays yet, but both parties have been trying to reach a strategic agreement for some time. Unless sanctions are brought against all tributaries and estuaries actively supporting all terrorists and radical oceanites, the problem will only spread.
- Ray slams woman on boat in Florida Keys (cnn.com)
- Dolphins, squids and sting rays oh my! (lindsaybellevoyage.wordpress.com)
- Have you ever kissed a Sting Ray? - Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands (travelpod.com)
- Woman attacked by flying ray (thesun.co.uk)
- Branch: Felted Sting Rays and Sea Turtles (mysweetgreens.com)